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Facts

How to behave in an office that won’t irritate your coworkers

  • Discuss how it’s not ok to double dip, then proceed to double dip and claim everyone said it was OK
  • Open all the individually packed plastic wear sets because you want everyone to have their own knife.
  • When a coworker brings a dog into the office, treat said dog in a way that would be disconcerting if that dog were a human being.
  • Berate your coworkers for putting guacamole on a burrito because it is gross while squeezing every last drop of ketchup out of a packet onto your burrito.
  • Have an obsession with young boys who carry rings down the aisle during a wedding.
  • Eat only cheese pizza, and act pretentious about the state of burnt cheese on top.
  • Bring melted chocolates to the office.
  • Be offended when offered ranch dressing to dip your onion rings into.
  • Parade around the office with half chewed banana chunks on a white paper napkin and set said napkin on the communal kitchen table. Proceed to discuss how a fellow office mate will enjoy eating these leftovers.
  • Throw plastic eating utensils at your coworkers. It inspires friendly competition.
  • Run around the office shouting bang bang at every coworkers who passes by a dog.

To be continued…

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